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In recent days there have been numerous calls for Twitter users to change their time zone and location to match Tehran.  The idea is that doing so confuses government censors that're attempting to clamp down on any and all communication to the outside world in light of protests over the disputed Presidential election.

I hesitated to participate in this practice for some time due to my own skepticism as to whether or not this was the case.  How do we know that this will actually help people get the word out?  Do we know how the Iranian government goes about censoring Tweets coming from dissidents in their country?  Is this anything other than an empty gesture?

Ultimately, all those questions were overriden by another, more powerful question - what does it matter?

At worst, I'm participating in a gesture that may not be empty but may ultimately be more symbolic than practical.  However, that isn't a bad thing.  No moral victory can be claimed from not participating in an act that had at least a slight chance of helping somebody overseas change the world, even if it is in the most miniscule way possible.

That being said, I write this post as a pre-emptive "shut up, you pretentious jerk" to the inevitable authors of the snarky blog posts or snide message board comment that points out that all these people are changing their city and time zone on Twitter despite the fact that it doesn't actually do anything.  

Though I'd never be one to deign to speak for other people, I can tell you that I personally am not participating as a way to feel superior, or give the appearance of being more well-informed, or to simply buck to the latest Web 2.0 trend.  Nor do I pass any judgment on those who haven't and/or won't turn their picture green, change the time zone in their profile, or modify their location.  I'm doing this because I'm one of those people that believe in things like free speech and realize that not only are there governments that openly engage in active conflict with their own people and their inherent rights and basic freedoms, but that real change can come from and be affected by those very same people.

Call me foolish or a poser, but that's something I'm willing to look silly for.

I've finally found out what I need to do to make sure that posts show up IN FULL on your Google Reader or whatever RSS feed reader you employ.  That means you get the FULL POST and don't have to go through the trouble of clicking "read more" to view the entirety of a post.  You can view the change by refreshing the feed.

You're welcome, handful of iPhone users that have demanded this feature!

And it's okay, people reading this who have no idea what I'm talking about.  It doesn't effect you. 

There are plenty of reasons not to eat at KFC, the franchise formerly known as "Kentucky Fried Chicken" (FACT - the real reason they go by KFC is because the State of Kentucky put a trademark on "Kentucky" and NOT because what they serve can't be identified as chicken).  Chief among them is that despite all attempts to church up their franchise through clever marketing and the intervention of Oprah Winfrey, they're still nothing more than your typical fast food restaurant.  Terrible quality, quick but awful service, and food so woefully unhealthy that it makes one wonder what exactly the FDA's purpose is if it's not protecting Americans from the poisonous deep fried fat the franchise stuffs into the mouths of morbidly obese Americans.

On the other hand, I've always been one to say live and let live.  Or, as Paul McCartney once wrote, "Live and let die choking on a chunk of over-processed chunks of cheap meat" (I'm paraphrasing).  After all, I've only been a non-smoker for less than a year, and I'm not one to deny myself foods that others may turn their nose at for various reasons, health-related and otherwise.

Just minutes ago, however, KFC earned my permanent ire with their online advertising.

I followed a link provided by a friend on Facebook to watch a video from "The Daily Show."  The segment was about Long Islanders wanting to secede from the Union.  Being a former student at Siena College, I found the prospect of ridiculing the dumber residents of Long Island particularly enticing.  First, though, I had to sit through an advertisement.

So I let the advertisement run, opening up another tab to see what kinda bullshit people I know are Twittering about these days (HINT: it's not important!).  Hearing the actual video itself clicked in, I went back to watch the video.

Instead, I saw the following:





An advertisement for Kentucky Grilled Chicken.  Which is all well and good, except as you can see in the image above, IT'S BLOCKING THE GODDAMN VIDEO.

Now, it's one thing to have a flash ad that pops up.  As obnoxious as they are, they usually have a little "X" somewhere that allows you to close out the advertisement so you can resume whatever activities you went to that site for in the first place.

This ad, on the other hand, would not go away.  It was like a scene out of a horror movie.  I saw an irritating pixie-like Madison Avenue version of a geeky chick dancing around a bucket of chicken, and when it was over, it just sat there.  It was like seeing something so awful that I couldn't bear to look away.

Except in this instance, I tried.  But it wouldn't let me.  The only way for me to get rid of the advertisement was to refresh the window, at which point I had to sit through ANOTHER AD that I'd already sat through to watch the video in the first place.

Now, a lot of you are probably thinking that it's a bit ridiculous for me to spend more time blogging about something than the amount of time it took to simply wait for the video to load without the obnoxious KFC ad.  However, there's a more important point - I will now, for the foreseeable future, associate KFC with a disruptive ad that prevented me from seeing something that I might enjoy.  Whereas the idea of an advertisement is to get me to enjoy a product, instead I will be unable to even entertain the idea of trying it out without thinking of the hindrance and annoyance of their advertisement.

ATTENTION ADVERTISERS:  "viral marketing" doesn't mean "annoy the shit out of the consumer."  Despite what you've been led to believe, there is such a thing as bad publicity and negative connotation.

KFC - "We Do Chicken Right, Just Don't Ask Us to Get You to Try It Unless Oprah's Paying For It."

 The sport of professional wrestling and the bad habit of wrestlers of staying active in the industry far longer than they should has claimed another victim.

I got the beef, as the kids say, with Christian Bale.

While walking through Wal-Mart earlier this evening, I saw a $9 DVD rack.  One of the movies was "Willow," which was one of my favorite films as a child.

"A fair price," I said to myself.  "But can I justify such an extravagance?"

I pondered the consequences of this purchase, and even weighed the fact that the DVD came with commentary by Warwick Davis.  How wonderful it would have been to hear his insights on the making of the film, and the incredible special effects employed by the Jim Henson workshop to make Val Kilmer look human.  Then my eyes wandered slightly to my left, and what bullshit doth my pupils perceive?

THIS:



"Look at this cocky bastard," I said to myself.  "He just walks in front of a camera, broods, spits out what I suppose passes for a halfway decent American accent in Hollywood, verbally abuses the DP, and makes enough money to buy 500,000 copies of 'Willow.'  And I loved that movie when I was a kid!  Man, do I ever harbor resentment towards Christian Bale."

As I ended my rant and avoided the uncomfortable stares of other shoppers, I realized that it wasn't about "Willow."  No, this goes deeper than Warwick Davis.  Truth be told, I can easily afford the DVD, but figured if I was going to test whether or not one of my favorite films from when I was eight years old still holds up, it'd be better to Netflix it.

It's about two things.  Firstly, that GQ cover.  Just look at the way he crosses his arms.  He's doing the same trick that white trash dudes learn in High School where you stick their hands under your biceps and push the fat forward to squish them flat and give the appearance of them being bigger than they actually are.  That shit may fly in the corner table of the High School cafeteria, but in the real world you aren't going to feel anybody.

Oh, and the headline - "DON'T MESS WITH CHRISTIAN BALE:  He has moods & he will crush you."

OH REALLY?  Well, I don't do lighting on your set, nor am I your sister or your mother.  So let's see you try your moods on me.

The second major gripe I have with Bale is the goddamn Batman voice.  That's right, I'm still pissed about it.  Do you know how goddamn good "The Dark Knight" was?  Do you know how much work, talent, blood, sweat, and tears went into that film?  And do you know how close he came to completely screwing it up with his 'little boy impersonating the Devil' voice and his awful, terrible performance as Bruce Wayne?

Curse you, Christian Bale!  I'm tired of enjoying movies despite your attempts to obstruct my full enjoyment, I'm sick of your insecurity about the size of your arms, and I'm sick of reading or watching your latest tirade on the internet against somebody who can't defend themselves for fear of losing their job or because they're smaller in stature and a woman.    But mostly I'm still pissed about your terrible Batman voice.

The weather's warmer, that General Public song "Tenderness" has been stuck in my head all day, and douchebags are running around in t-shirts sporting the same tragically shitty designs they eventually end up getting permanently inked onto their bodies. It can only mean one thing...it's a FIGHT WEEKEND!

UFC 98 - EVANS v. MACHIDA

Rashad Evans (205) vs. Lyoto Machida (204) - UFC Light Heavyweight Championship
* This is quite possibly the most evenly matched Title fight of any weight class in the past year or so. Both are young, on the rise, and go into the fight undefeated. Machida has been impressive in his UFC performances thus far with unbelievable technical prowess and evasive maneuvering, but Evans is on a completely different level than any other opponent Machida has faced as a Light Heavyweight and he's far too smart of a fighter to blindly jump into Machida's traps. And while some people would label Machida's obsession with "not being hit" a sound strategy, I see it more as a worrisome proposition for somebody who, you know, fights for a living.
PREDICTION: Rashad Evans (TKO, 3rd Round)


Matt Hughes (170) vs. Matt Serra (171)
* Long story short for those who are wondering why two guys who got destroyed by Georges St. Pierre are being billed as the co-main event of the evening: in Season 3 of "The Ultimate Fighter," Matt Hughes was one of the coaches and acted like a 12-year-old d-bag. The next season, Matt Serra competed on the same show (the theme was "The Comeback") and Matt Hughes came on as a guest coach. After practice, Hughes heckled fellow coach (and rival) Georges St. Pierre from across the room at a dinner outing and accused him of being afraid to roll with him, adding "I can show you how to do an armbar," a reference to GSP's loss to Hughes over two years prior. Matt Serra took offense to Hughes' behavior, calling him a "stuck-up dumb farmboy jock" along with various other accurate observations of Hughes' d-baggery. A short time later, Matt Hughes fought GSP and was soundly defeated. Then Serra beat GSP in a shocking upset and was named a head coach on the next season of "The Ultimate Fighter"...opposite Matt Hughes. The animosity built further and was to culminate in a fight upon the season's conclusion, but a herniated disc forced Serra to pull out. GSP happily stepped in as a replacement and made it clear to everyone that Hughes owed him money, or at least that's what it looked like based on the ass-whooping he administered. GSP would also go on to win the Welterweight Title from Serra in a re-unification match. A year passed, Serra's back improved, and the fight against Hughes (and the accompanying war of words) was back on.

...well, okay, that wasn't so much a "long story short" as a "long story now not QUITE as long." I guess the real Short Story is that Hughes is a cornball bully from Iowa, Serra is an outspoken loudmouth from Long Island, and both are already established to no longer be in the league of the current Welterweight Champion. In other words, this isn't about rankings, it's about bile.

For that reason, this is the one fight I've been anticipating more than any other the UFC has put on of late. The Spock in me says that Hughes is going to smother Serra en route to a Decision win, but my Kirk says Serra is going to take out Hughes with an overhand right and literally do a cartwheel in the middle of the Octagon. To decide the most likely outcome, my friend Ryan and I re-enacted this fight in the "UFC: Undisputed" video game with him playing as Hughes and me playing as Serra. Therefore....
PREDICTION: Matt Serra (KO from Random Elbow; 1st Round)


Dan Miller (185) vs. Chael Sonnen (186)
* Sonnen was one of several fighters moved up from the WEC after they folded their heavier weight classes and re-named themselves "Jim Henson's UFC Babies." Okay, that last part isn't true, they're still going by "WEC" and they're still putting on amazing live cards for free on Versus featuring Featherweights and Bantamweights like Urijah Faber and Miguel Torres. But while other WEC fighters have struggled in the UFC, you can hardly blame Sonnen for not faring well in his UFC debut. After all, he went from fighting lower-level and overrated fighters suffering through bouts of depression to having to face the seemingly unstoppable Demian Maia. His job doesn't get any easier on Saturday as he takes on former IFL Middleweight champion Dan Miller, who holds an impressive 11-1 record and is thus far undefeated in his four UFC fights. Poor Chael.
PREDICTION: Dan Miller (Guillotine, 2nd Round)


Sean Sherk (156) vs. Frankie Edgar (155)
* This is a potentially interesting - and undeniably pivotal - fight for both men. Sherk is still trying to shake off the after-effects of a steroid scandal that resulted in his being stripped of the UFC Lightweight Title and a subsequent embarrassing loss to then-interim champion BJ Penn. The only thing worse than Sean Sherk's career path over the past 18 months is his nickname (what the fuck is a Muscle Shark?).  

The once unstoppable Sherk is coming off a hard-fought victory in October over Top 10 (in the UFC anyway) Lightweight Tyson Griffin and looks to further his resurgence against Frankie Edgar. Edgar, who before his upset loss to Gray Maynard I had pegged as the future of the division, wants to prove that the early hype behind him wasn't unwarranted and that, indeed, his nickname of "The Answer" is better than "Muscle Shark" because it at least makes some f#$@ing sense.

MUSCLE SHARK?!  SERIOUSLY?!

Based on pure reputation, the smart money's on Sherk. But I'm not convinced that the sport, and especially the UFC Lightweight division, hasn't passed him by.
PREDICTION: Frankie Edgar (Unanimous Decision)


Drew McFedries (185) vs. Xavier Foupa-Pokam (186)
* LOSER LEAVES TOWN! See, the UFC has this unwritten rule that states, in no uncertain terms, that if you lose three fights you get shown the door. McFedries is coming off consecutive losses.  Which really shouldn't surprise anyone:  you can't be successful in a sport like MMA with a name like "Drew."
PREDICTION: Xavier Foupa-Pokam (Pink Slip Submission, 3rd Round)


Brock Larson (171) vs. Mike Pyle (171)
* Brock Larson is one of those guys that people have been talking up for years, and yet for some reason he always has the reputation of "being on the rebound" despite never really having gone anywhere and only losing two fights in his seven-year career (to Carlos Condit in 2007 and Jon Fitch in 2005). I'm not saying Pyle is a total chump who doesn't deserve to be on the televised card, but...okay, the dude's kind of a chump and I'm a bit confused as to why he's on the PPV proper. The bigger gripe, though, is that this isn't a fight that does anything for Larson either way or move him up the ladder in the Welterweight division any quicker. I understand that he's new to the UFC and matchmaker Joe Silva wants to showcase his propensity for quick and decisive early victories, but Larson's thirty-two years old.  H'es certainly not elderly, but he's not exactly a spring chicken either.
PREDICTION: Brock Larson (TKO, 1st Round).


UNDERCARD FIGHTS FEATURING SCHLUBS THAT WILL ONLY BE SHOWN ON PAY-PER-VIEW
IF THEY END IN A KNOCKOUT AND THE TELEVISED FIGHTS END EARLY
Tim Hague (263) vs. Patrick Barry (237)
Phillipe Nover (156) vs. Kyle Bradley (156)

STAR TREK


 When I first heard the news that "Lost" and "Alias" co-creator J.J. Abrams' would be at the helm of a new "Star Trek" film that followed the exploits of characters from the original series navigating their way through Star Fleet Academy, my first question was "Why?"  This was quickly followed by "how?", which in turn lead to other questions like "is this a prequel or a reboot?" and "what is this, 'J.J. Abrams' Star Trek Babies?' "

So I went to the Doctor's a got a physical for the first time in...man, it's gotta be about nine years now. The end result is that I'm in good health and have "excellent" blood pressure. I'd expressed some concerns about recent changes in my lifestyle, including but not limited to my exercise regime, diet, and the fact that I quit smoking in August. All's well!

Two items of interest did come out of the visit. One is that my concern about lung capacity, particularly when I'm running, isn't quite as warranted as I'd thought. Although I smoked nine and a half years with it getting up to a pack and a half to two packs a day towards the end, the age at which I quit means that the damage done to my lung capacity is reversible. It's just going to take a couple years, literally, for that to happen. He suggested bringing it up again at the next physical should I not be where I think I should be, but to hear that I don't and won't need an inhaler was a relief.

He did recommend that I get an MRI at some point. My father's side of the family has a history of brain aneurysms, with my father in particular suffering from one back in '89 that nearly killed him. He had told me about four months ago that his doctors recommended to him that we (his children) all get an MRI to see if we're at risk, and my Doctor (without me even mentioning it) echoed those sentiments. So within the next few weeks I'm going to look into scheduling it - I just want to be sure I'm fully covered for it, which I imagine I should be considering my family history and the fact that it's considered preventitive.

In other health-related news, I've begun taking advantage of the weather the past couple weeks and made a habit out of strictly walking to and from work. I've decided to let errands and meet-ups with people be damned; I'm going to be running a little late if I'm coming from work. Weather permitting, of course. I also want to get a bike and get into the habit of using that for my primary method of transportation within the city, but I'm not sure if I have the money for it just yet. I'm not even looking to get a mountain bike, just something that'll get me from Point A to Point B. Also, one that doesn't have a pink basket on the front and rainbow tassles coming out the handles.

Also, I don't have Swine Flu. Nor do I plan on visiting Mexico anytime soon, although the decision not to do so was influenced long ago by the fact that you run the risk of death if you drink the water and the country's controlled by violent drug cartels.





This is what we call "blogging for the sake of blogging." Eat it.

Immigrants from the Third World living in the Capital Region, lock up your daughters: Angelina Jolie's in town!

So the big hoopla in the area this week has been filming up of the upcoming Columbia Pictures film "Salt," a CIA espionage "thriller" that was originally set to star Tom Cruise until the star dropped out of the project and was immediately replaced by Jolie. You know you have an incredible script when the gender of the protagonist can be flipped with only the most minor modifications and accommodations being made. But that's Hollywood, where scripts quickly become a tertiary concern that are bastardized for the sake of other elements that do everything but make a better film.

Anyway, in the film Jolie plays a Russian sleeper agent who is outed. As a spy, not a lesbian. You're thinking of "Gia." Oh, and her last name is "Salt," just so we're not under the impression that this is some smart political thriller that involves the Strategic Arms Limitation Talks. The scene being shot in this area involves a car chase and from what little footage I've seen, somebody jumping off an overpass and onto a moving vehicle.

I know what you're thinking - no good can come of this. That's where you'd be wrong, my friend. The Albany Convention and Visitors Bureau estimates that the filming of the scene on Route 787 will generate "at least" $3.5 million towards the local economy, not counting the whopping $25 (not a typo - that's twenty-five dollars). Some healthy skepticism has been expressed by folks in the area who don't see how 150 people, most of whom are only here for a handful of days, can somehow spend that much money.

I've take the liberty of doing the math to justify the number presented by the ACVB (my acronym, not theirs). Please note that all figures are a rough approximation and are as conservative as possible so as to lower expectations in the hope that good news comes by way of pleasant surprises. Which is exactly how "Salt" will be marketed!

TOTAL REVENUE GENERATED FOR THE AREA: $3.5 million
The Breakdown:
* $1,200,000 - for toiletries, makeup, and fragrances to make Angelina look her best and hide Bradd Pitt's B.O. (from his allegedly bad hygiene - true story)
* $336,000 - for Jerry Jennings' bronzer.
* $238,350 - in legal fees to fight allegations that the Jennings administration illegally funneled money from Columbia Pictures to purchase bronzer.
* $600 - spent at the arcade at Jillian's
* $400,000 - everyday catering from Shalimar's
* $245,000 - amount spent by Angelina during JC Penny's Red Tag Sales Event (now through Sunday!)
* $300,000 - for 300,000 scoops of Gelato at Crisan's
* $220,000 - for Dunkin Donuts Iced Coffee delivered on-set this weekend
* $50 - generously donated to the dude that has become an unintentional destitute resident of the region after the Deadheads he was travelling with abandoned him last Saturday.
* $560,000 - an evening of drinks (for two) at Franklin's Tower



There you go.

He's what some would call the Perpetual Human Interest Story. And now, the story of Kyle Maynard takes another intriguing and more controversial twist, just by the very nature of his latest pursuit.

For those of you that aren't familiar with his story, Kyle Maynard first gained notoriety when he competed in the 2004 Georgia High School Wrestling Championships. Which on its own merits is an impressive accomplishment but nothing for me to figuratively or literally write home about. Except for the fact that Maynard was born with an incredibly rare condition known as congenital amputation, a disorder that causes the limbs (or parts of the limbs) to literally fall off the foetus in utero.

As a result of this disorder, Maynard was born without arms past his elbows or legs past his knees. Despite this severe handicap, Maynard expressed an early interest in grappling and quickly astonished friends, family members, and onlookers by competing at the highest levels of his weight division and out-wrestling able-bodied competitors en route to a 35-16 High School freestyle wrestling record.

Needless to say, Maynard's story is inspirational and extraordinary, and it only gets more interesting when you consider how he was able to succeed in his chosen field of expertise. Maynard used his skill and natural athletic ability to not only compensate for his lack of forearms and shins, but actually turn what would normally be considered weaknesses into strengths. Because such large sections of his limbs were absent, Maynard was in actuality much bigger - even if not in weight - than his competitors. Additionally, opponents had trouble figuring out and adjusting to an opponent with a vastly different center of gravity than anybody else they'd ever faced and one with no extremities to grapple.

Maynard wrestling through college with the University of Georgia, where he received his four-year degree in 2008. Though he did not attain the same level of success at the collegiate level, he was still able to realistically compete with the competition presented to him.

Now he has a different battle ahead of him. This weekend, Maynard will compete in his first professional Mixed Martial Arts fight at the Auburn Covered Arena in Auburn, Alabama. The event will feature nine other bouts and also advertises an "appearance" by former "The Ultimate Fighter" contestant and UFC competitor Junie Browning. The impending debut has generated a lot of controversy both locally and nationally and has sparked impassioned debates amongst both uninformed mainstream sports journalists and the hardcore MMA fanbase.

On one hand, Maynard's story naturally makes you want to sympathize and root for him. He's an inspirational figure who everyone wants to succeed or at the very least be given the opportunity to do so. And as was the case with his amateur wrestling career, the detriments his handicap provides may be equaled by the unique advantages they provide. Beyond an opponent having to adjust for a physically awkward match-up and not having any arms or legs to lock on a submission, MMA rules may also be in Maynard's favor. After all, the nature of his physical condition means that he is quite literally always a downed opponent (on one or both "knees") and therefore means that he can't be struck in the head.

With the detriments and benefits weighed against each other and the fact that he's defied expectations in the past, can Kyle Maynard's venture into the sport of Mixed Martial Arts be that different?

I want to say that Maynard should be allowed to compete just so that he can fulfill this aspect of his competitive nature and be given a chance to prove people wrong yet again. However, while Mixed Martial Arts may not be the bloodsport that so many in the mainstream media still seem to believe it is, its very nature does provide some unique dangers for its competitors. Commission oversight - and in particularthe Unified MMA rules adopted by the New Jersey State Athletic Commission in 1997 - seeks to guarantee that fighters are protected and to ensure fairness. As such, there's a question as to whether someone in Maynard's position can be provided that protection and adequately defend themselves in a combat sport. The Georgia State Athletic Commission doesn't seem to think so, as it decided in 2007 not to grant Maynard a license to compete. Although it's not clear what factors specifically led to that decision, one can imagnie that his physical inability to cover and protect himself from strikes - particularly from the bottom when mounted by an opponent - was a very real and legitimate concern for the Commission.

What's equally (if not moreso) worrisome is that this event is taking place in Alabama, a State with no Athletic Commission or oversight. One would hope the NJSAC MMA Unified Rules would be in full affect, but with no overseeing governing body or legislation on the books, there's nothing legally obligating them to do so. The only hope is that the fight's organizers and the referee of the bout have a desire to work outside of the State at some point in the future, as decisions and rulings made by any SAC in the United States are always enforced by other SACs in order to show respect for the Commission's authority and to ensure unity and solidarity within the sport. Failure to comply often results in various Athletic Commissions denying licenses and/or banning individuals seen as not being in compliance with prior rulings from participating in the sport.

Unfortunately, Maynard's participation in this event already flies in direct conflict with the the Georgia SAC ruling which could potentially be evaluated, argued and overturned by another Athletic Commission but hasn't and most likely won't be. Adding to the confusion and the concern, the fight's promoters have stated that his opponent won't be revealed to him or the general public until the weigh-ins occur on Friday, giving him about a day's notice. All this lends a hefty amount of skepticism and doubt as to the legitimacy of the promotion putting on the fight card, their sincerity in presenting Maynard as anything other than a "freak show" attraction, and most importantly their commitment to protecting and serving in the best interests of their fighters.

The only thing for certain at this point is that, barring any last-minute injury or an act of God, Kyle Maynard will have his first MMA fight on Saturday night. I just hope for his sake, and for the sake of MMA's image in the mainstream meadia that nothing happens to confirm the concerns and skepticism of folks like myself.




LINKS
Atlanta Journal-Constitution Article: http://www.ajc.com/services/content/printedition/2009/04/19/maynard0419.html
CagePotato.com Weighs In: http://www.cagepotato.com/kyle-maynard-knows-what-hell-hes-doing-when-it-comes-mma
Internet Pay-Per-View Broadcast of the Fight Card in Auburn: http://www.todocast.tv/satlogic/afn/


Thanks to bpdermody for pointing out to me that I mistakenly wrote Junie Browning appeared on "Tough Enough," when in fact he was on "The Ultimate Fighter." The latter show has been on the air for at least as many years as the former's been off the air and I STILL get the names confused to this day.

Okay, maybe they're not "important" by your definition, or mine, or anybody else with a pulse. However, they may be of some interest to you. But most likely not. I guess what I'm saying is that I'm a big goddamn liar.

Anyway...

Firstly, before we begin the weekend, a public service announcement to the 25 and under crowd that acquired much of their humor, culture, and style from the internet: INTERNET JOKES DO NOT ALWAYS (AND AS A MATTER OF FACT RARELY) WORK IN REAL LIFE. When you say things like "I can has water" (in front of a water fountain) out loud and even the friend you're with doesn't laugh, it's not because he didn't hear you. That sort of humor just doesn't translate to the real world. In fact, very little of what happens on here on the internet translates well to the real world. So fucking stop that, because I already live with enough anxiety without overhearing that sort of stuff and feeling anxious and embarrassed for the person saying it.

Secondly, Brian (bpdermody and I have not one but two episodes of the "Living Under Marshall Law" podcast in the can.

The first runs the gamut. We talk about a published author sleeping on Brian's couch (this darn economy) as well as his book that sounds like a fascinating read, ask whether Twitter is a boon or detriment to our society, discuss a bumper sticker I saw that forever changed my outlook on life, and much more.

The second is a review of Wrestlemania 25, our thoughts on how the event represents the wrestling industry as a whole (and not in a good way), and a bold statement made by yours truly towards the end that struck Brian P. Dermody speechless.

Both will be available in the coming days, and will be posted seperately. That way, if you don't like wrestling, you don't have to listen to the second one! YOU'RE WELCOME, HATERS.

Alright. I'm off to see family, see friends, sing, and see my woman again. In that order. Y'all have a wonderful weekend!

A quick disclaimer before we begin: I'm not a nutrionist, nor do I claim to be a "foodie" or any other phrase bloggers and "analysts" have adopted to pass themselves off as experts in a field where they're woefully uneducated. What I do possess is some semblance of common sense and a desire to be honest with myself.

With that out of the way, let's talk about "organic" and "natural" food and food ingredients.

Honestly, I'm not all that bothered by the feeling I have that a good number of people shop "organic" for the sake of maintaining an undeserved smug sense of superiority, nor am I annoyed specifically with the fact that the phrase seems to be an empty marketing ploy used with all the sincerity of snake-oil salesmen to jump onto the health-conscience bandwagon and artificially inflate prices on certain products. Rather, it's the people who know better but pretend they don't in an attempt to fool themselves and other people into thinking they're making healthy choices that drive me up a wall.

Grocery Stores - especially the chains - provide the best examples of what I'm talking about. If you stand around the organic food section for long enough and watch all of the people that come through, you'll notice that the vast majority enter those areas with the intention of buying healthy food and walk away with a cart full of what is, in essence, organic junk food. However, because the words "organic" and "natural" appear on the packaging, they give themselves a free pass. It's great that there aren't any preservatives in that bag of cheddar popcorn, but it's still a bag of cheddar popcorn. And that box of frozen meat is still frozen food - it tastes hitty, it's shitty for you, and it's loaded with copious amounts of sodium.

Again, I'm not trying to lecture people on their diet or pass myself off as an expert. But folks? Enough already. Stop spending so much time, energy, and hard-earned money bullshitting yourselves. Just because they slap a certain label on junk food doesn't magically transform it into something healthy and nutritious. That doesn't mean that I'm going to cast judgment on you for devouring an entire bag of Pirate's Booty in one sitting, but don't think that it being in a certain aisle somehow makes doing so a healthy choice.

And don't get me started on those 100 calorie packs. It's amazing that people are willing to pay more for pre-sorted portions out of sheer laziness and unwillingness to count and/or learn how to judge measurements. And if they're that concerned about your their, why buy the crap in the first place?

Buy organic because you're making a statement about the manner in which food is processed or you prefer a certain product regardless of whatever words they decide to slap on the label, but don't pee on your own feet and tell yourself that it's raining. Junk food is junk food, and if you were serious about eating healthy you wouldn't be buying some of that stuff to begin with.




Phew. Rant over. As always, share your thoughts and tell me how wrong you think I am.

It occurred to me while sitting in my room and pondering what to write about that most of my potential subjects involved me being disappointed and my expectations being destroyed.

Firstly, I completed the run for "Trip to Bountiful" with the Schenectady Civic Players and was itching to get involved in another play. I'd had a great experience and worked with some great people, and so I was eager to hit the ground running. I ended up finally locating an e-mail distribution list that various local actors had recommended to me, but none of whom had ever been able to successfully point me towards. Theater folks, perhaps not surprisingly, aren't exactly tech savvy.

I ended up finding the list all on my lonesome and saw something that looked promising. It was a Western farce that I'd never heard of (subsequent searches on the internet turned up nothing). Since my desire isn't to bury the company in question in a public forum, I'm not going to name it or the play they're performing. Let's just say that I was willing to accept a smaller role than I was offered and wasn't a snob about the script (even though the writing was so atrocious and style of humor so borderline insulting I literally winced while reading it). However, having a 12-year-old girl portray my character's adult love interest, even with the promise of no inappropriate contact onstage? No thanks. Sorry, can't do it, especially when there's no argument of "art" for it. And even then...no. I literally have nieces that are older.

So there was that great disappointment followed a few nights later by a viewing of "Tropic Thunder." It was a great concept, but Christ did it get lazy quick. The only saving grace was, perhaps not surprisingly, Robert Downey, Jr.'s performance (and his refusal to break character as "Lincoln Osiris" during the guest commentary on the DVD). The rest, however, fell on typical conventions in a manner that didn't provide a familiar wink to the audience so much as acknowledged their presence with an aggravated sigh followed by an insincere pantomime of tired schticks, phoned in performances, and one-note jokes that were driven into the ground like a railroad spike.

Jack Black's character in particular was a huge missed opportunity - rather than rightfully lampooning and skewering once-edgy comedians who sell out in such quick and transparent fashion that even the rest of Hollywood viewed them with disgust, they made him a heroin addict and left that as his sole character trait. Perhaps exploring any further aspect of that character would've hit too close to home for some of the film's stars.

It's just a damn shame that such a dense and fantastic concept for a film was executed so sloppily. As it stands, "Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story" continues to be the most recent film I've seen that actually made me laugh on a somewhat consistent basis. I know, that last statement makes me look like a pretentious grump, but understand that I don't watch a Hell of a lot of comedies. Also that the comedies Hollywood puts out these days tend to be complete garbage.

On the plus side, I have an incredible lady who provides a respite from frustrations derived from my pursuit of a creative outlet and immensely disappointing Ben Stiller films. Also, she's not twelve years old. Also, The Decemberists' "The Hazards of Love" has finally grown on me to the point that I actually like it. Which is a shame, because it's a blast to make fun of. C'est la vie.

I ended up driving to Saratoga Springs to watch Wrestlemania with my friend Byron. Eventually we were joined by roommate Steve, who was coming off a matinee performance of "Dracula" in Cohoes (seriously). Before continuing, I want to say that it was good to unwind and that it'd been awhile since I'd seen Byron. So in that sense, it was good to catch up and subsequently a good time was had by all in attendance.

As for the product we were presented with? Well...




In the closing moments of his autobiography Hitman, Bret Hart takes a moment to write that he'll "never forgive Hunter and Shawn for what they did to the business."

Considering what happened with Bret Hart and his tendency to take himself a bit too seriously, people might dismiss the remark as the whinings of a bitter man who is simply upset that he can no longer be part of the business that he grew up on. However, despite what people may think of his motivations, Bret Hart speaks nothing but the truth. The professional wrestling on display tonight in Houston, Texas bears no resemblance to what we grew up on. Or what our parents grew up on. Or even what we were watching just a scant eight to ten years ago.

The reason? Well, being the only game in town has finally caught up to a company that had always shown a strong desire to push barely coordinated, insecure gymrats over people with a true passion for the craft who actually wanted to become good at what they do. For years they've dragged these man-children away from full-body mirrors and thrown them into developmental leagues where, rather than learn from working with seasoned professionals, they tripped over each other and taught themselves irreversible bad habits.

And so that's what WWE has become: a league of old men who won't step out of the way, gymrats who receive praise simply for becoming barely competent at their craft (which is the best they can ever hope for, eg. Randy Orton) and the few hard-working men they have left thrown into clusterf**k matches involving ladders and midgets.

This...is Wrestlemania.

MATCH 1: "Money in the Bank" Ladder Match
RESULT: C.M. Punk over Kofi Kingston, Shelton Benjamin, Christian, Kane, Mark Henry, MVP, and Fit Finlay.
ANALYSIS: This is the clusterf*** I was alluding to. Most of the men involved are good hands who take very stupid risks involving hard falls and high-angle bumps, all for the sake of making a crowd pop in a manner which doesn't get them over or make anybody care about them after the match. It's a match where only the concept gets over rather than any participant, and it was won for the second year in a row by a guy who may be as good as some claim he is but will never draw a dime for WWE.

KID ROCK PERFORMED FOR WHAT SEEMED LIKE A GODDAMN ETERNITY. This was beyond awful. He did four songs and the crowd couldn't have cared less. Because, guess what, it's 2009 and Kid Rock is twelve years past the apex of his popularity (which wasn't all that great to begin with).

MATCH 2: 25 Divas Battle Royal -OR- "How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Santino Marella"
RESULT: Santino Marella in drag wins. After the match he introduces himself as "Santina...Santino's Marella's twin sister. From Italy! Yaaaaaaay!"
ANALYSIS: They built the return of several legendary women's wrestlers, then had all the participants come out at once while Kid Rock sang with no introduction. Then the match was laid out in a manner which ensured even the commentators would have no idea what was going on or who was in the ring at any given moment. Rumor has it Trish Stratus may have been there.

MATCH 3: Chris Jericho vs. Roddy Piper & Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka & Ricky "The Dragon Steamboat
RESULT: Chris Jericho eliminated Piper first, then Snuka, then pinned Steamboat after the latter put up a valiant effort. Then he beat up Flair, only to be KO'ed by Mickey Rourke with the fakest looking knockout punch I've ever seen.
ANALYSIS: This was actually our favorite match of the night, particularly when it got down to Jericho and Steamboat. Seriously, Steamboat worked his fifty-year-old ass off for some great (and believable) near-falls before Jericho won. It's sad that Steamboat still works a better match than most of the WWE roster, but even sadder that even a relatively younger guy like Chris Jericho seems like a relic of a bygone era for the industry. Frank Shamrock came in and sat with Mickey Rourke at ringside and nobody acknowledged him.

MATCH 4: Matt Hardy vs. Jeff Hardy in an "Extreme Rules" Match
RESULT: Matt Hardy wins.
ANALYSIS: It was an okay match I suppose, but nothing we haven't seen from these two before. The announcers sold the idea of two brothers feuding as an awful tragedy, and asked how Matt Hardy could do the sort of things he did to his brother. Unfortunately, this storyline (and match) have already been done before. Not just with other former tag teams, but specifically with Matt and Jeff Hardy. But that's what happens when a wrestling company actually goes out of its way to hire failed sitcom writers with no familiarity with the product to work on their creative team.

MATCH 5: Rey Mysterio vs. JBL in an Intercontinental Title Match
RESULT: Rey Mysterio pinned JBL in 21 seconds to win the title.
ANALYSIS: Obviously done as a joke or rib of some sort, and a frustrated JBL angrily announced "I QUIT!" after the match. He'll most likely be back in a headset to replace Tazz as the color commentator on Smackdown (Tazz left the company this week).

MATCH 6: Shawn Michaels vs. The Undertaker
RESULT: Undertaker wins and preserves his Wrestlemania win streak.
ANALYSIS: Largely predictable fair that people who love Shawn Michaels' asinine cartoon bumps and tired schtick will call a "Match of the Year candidate." Even putting all vitrol for his past misbehavior and politicking aside, the past two years have proven that Shawn Michaels is hands down the most overrated worker of the past ten to fifteen years. He still has some good matches in him, but he's not the untouchable God in the ring that so many seem to think he is. And for as much of a nostalgia pop as he gets when he comes out, there's a reason they don't make any money when he's in the main event spot.

MATCH 7: Edge vs. John Cena vs. The Big Show for the WWE Title
RESULT: John Cena pinned Big Show in decisive fashion to win the WWE Title.
ANALYSIS: Actually not a bad match. As much as people rave about Michaels, few give Cena (who I admittedly used to bury as one of those gymrats) the credit he deserves. The guy works his ass off, and without him to carry them the past five years this company would be in a lot of trouble. Unfortunately, he had to compete with HHH for the top spot on the biggest show of the year, and he lost out despite the fact that he garners much stronger stronger reactions at every stop WWE makes. Speaking of which...

THE HALL OF FAME INDUCTEES WERE INTRODUCED: HOWARD FINKEL, KOKO B. WARE (who I loved but Jesus Christ was he a terrible worker), THE VON ERICHS (accepting was Kevin Von Erich in light of him being the only surviving member of the family...you wish I was joking), TERRY & DORY FUNK, and "STONE COLD" STEVE AUSTIN. Afterwards, Austin drove his ATV around the ring four or five times and drank fifteen beers in the ring. For whatever strange reason, the guy who most consider to be the best promo guy of all time didn't say a single word.

MATCH 8: HHH vs. Randy Orton for the World Heavyweight Championship
RESULT: HHH retains his title by pinning Randy Orton, then growled at a silent audience that couldn't believe WWE actually chose to end Wrestlemania with this match.
ANALYSIS: Seriously, the crowd died during the opening minutes of this match and never came back to life. It actually served as an apt metaphor for the state of the professional wrestling industry and what it's become under the monopolistic fist of Vince McMahon and airtime dominance of his real-life son-in-law, HHH.

I'm sure some apologists will blame the poor crowd reaction on the fact that they didn't have enough of a buffer after the Cena match to calm them down. Two problems with that argument. One, while they didn't stick the women's match in-between to bring the crowd back down like they usually do, they still had the HOF segment and an extended break that included some video packages. Two, that argument essentially breaks down to "HHH and Randy Orton didn't get a good reaction because the crowd doesn't care about them as much as they care about John Cena and Edge."

It's taken awhile for WWE's fans to accept Randy Orton as a main-eventer, but that's all they do - simply accept the role that WWE has forcibly inserted Orton into. They're never going to fully embrace him or demand he be elevated, given more airtime, or made the company's champion. In many ways, the same reasons that Randy Orton will never make them money is why HHH, despite periodically maneuvering himself into the top spot over the course of the past ten years, has never drawn a dime on his own merit.

Both are perfect examples of WWE insisting on making somebody a star rather than letting the crowd make the decision. As a result, we got two men working against each other in the top match of the biggest show of the year while the crowd sat on their hands or left early. Steve Austin once said that HHH never accomplished anything in the industry other than putting a world title on himself and not drawing any money, a point that's hard to argue considering any successful program with HHH in it also involved the two biggest stars in the history of the business (The Rock and Austin) or the most beloved and sympathetic babyface of all-time (Mick Foley).

On his own, HHH is just a dude who has been clever in his political maneuvering but really doesn't provide any financial upside to WWE or any genuine entertainment value. Unfortunately, he's not going anywhere anytime soon and he's positioned himself as Vince McMahon's heir apparent. Fans can only hope that once he decides to retire from a professional wrestling ring, HHH will be freed from the desire to make himself the center of the WWE Universe and use those smarts to make a better wrestling product. The cynic in me, however, knows that there will always be a part of HHH that needs to put himself above the needs of the company and will find a way to overstay his welcome in front of a camera.

I used to love professional wrestling. Now I can only echo two sentiments, one being Bret Hart's and the other being my good friend Miz, who recently remarked to me (via Facebook) that he tried watching RAW last week and in his opinion it's every bit as bad as it was when Shawn Michaels was champion in the mid-90s, when the business nearly died.

It's said that the business is cyclical. But all the premature deaths, tragedies, and eight years of the HHH & Shawn Michaels Show has brought me to the point where I probably won't come around even if there is another resurgence.




And on that note, I sleep.

I'm going to pretend you can muster an insincere interest in my Fantasy Baseball draft results. Annnnnd here they are:

01. Jimmy Rollins (SS, Phillies)
02. Alfonso Soriano (OF, Cubs)
03. Ichiro Suzuki (OF, Mariners)
04. Justin Morneau (1B, Twins)
05. Jonathan Papelbon (RP, Red Sox)
06. Dan Uggla (2B, Marlins)
07. Francisco Liriano (SP, TWins)
08. Mariano Rivera (RP, Yankees)
09. Felix Hernandez (SP, Mariners)
10. Ryan Zimmerman (3B, Nationals)
11. Ryan Doumit (C, Pirates)
12. Justin Verlander (SP, Tigers)
13. Ryan Dempster (SP, Cubs)
14. Brian Wilson (RP, Giants)
15. Vernon Wells (OF, Blue Jays)
16. Matt Garza (SP, Rays)
17. Huston Street (RP, Rockies)
18. Xavier Nady (OF, Yankees)
19. Carlos Guillen (1B,3B, Tigers)
20. Matt Lindstrom (RP, Marlins)
21. Rickie Weeks (2B, Brewers)
22. Orlando Cabrera (SS, Athletics)
23. A.J. Pierzynski (C, White Sox)
24. Ryan Theriot (SS, Cubs)
25. Jair Jurrjens (SP, Braves)
26. Adam LaRoche (1B, Pirates)


Hey, I'm happy, particularly since I've kept my streak alive of drafting Ichiro Suzuki in one team every single year I've done fantasy baseball.


I've developed a bit of a love/hate relationship I've developed with The Decemberists album. I was listening to it a few more times yesterday and kept alternating between developing an appreciation for it and deciding that it sounded like The Decemberists committing a sex crime on The Arcade Fire. I'm leaning towards the latter right now.

Alright. I suppose I should go put some clothes on and get ready for our final evening performance of "Trip to Bountiful" with the Schenectady Civic Players (12 S Church St., Schenectady / 8pm tonight & 2:30pm tomorrow).

Some of you have noted that the URL for KevinMarshallOnline.com is currently inoperable. I know! It'll be back up soon, promise.

Anyways, yeah. I've been busy with work, the play, and this illness that befell me on Tuesday and knocked me out of commission for much of Wednesday and Thursday. Basically flu-like symptoms with aches all over, splitting headache, cough, and a fever that ran for two days (and boy was it tired HARRRRR HARRRRR HAR). Two days of bedrest did the trick, though I'm still a bit achy and coughy today. But no fever, so here I am at work. Writing a blog entry.

I keep re-listening to this new Decemberists album in an attempt to warm up to it. When I first read about the concept of the album, I was prepared to accept the label of the Unapologetic Decemberists Apologist. After listening to it, though, I realized that all the concerns people had are founded. Listening to the album, it's almost as if Colin Meloy doesn't realize how woefully goofy the premise of this story is, nor did he realize that the concept was so heavy-handed it was bound to get in the way of the actual music.

The result is an album that's proggy for the sake of being proggy and borders on self-parody. Which actually would work if The Decemberists were in on the joke themselves. Instead, what we got was the indie-rock studio version of the "jazz odyssey" Spinal Tap embarks on after Nigel leaves the group.

Okay okay, it's not THAT bad. It is, however, easily the band's weakest LP to date. Note to other bands - there's a reason musical acts don't do rock operas anymore.

Oh, and yesterday I woke up at 1:00pm and in lieu of dragging my sore and fevered ass out of bed, finally watched Robert Altman's "The Long Goodbye." I'd read a lot of people saying that Gould did a better Marlowe than Bogart, although it's my understanding that Bogart (and the producers of the Marlowe films) took his own liberties with the character. I'll say that I loved the movie, although the motif of the one song ("The Long Goodbye") appearing in various forms throughout the film was too cute for its own good and served as more of a distraction than an effective motif.

The DVD extras are interesting, if only for Elliot Gould's explanation for why he suddenly disappeared from the Hollywood map in the early seventies. According to him, it was the result of being ignorant of tinsel-town politics and what projects to align yourself with to remain viable in the eyes of financers. I guess it'd be sexier to think that becoming a big star and landing on the cover of Time magazine made him an insufferable douchebag, but his explanation actually made sense.


Alright. Gonna finish this day up, then head to Schenectady for one of our last performances of "Trip to Bountiful." More info here (I play a Ticket Agent).